13 May 2020
My Dearest Boy,
Recently I had an interesting conversation with a friend about whether I am at present blessed with acceptance or haunted by apathy. I pondered on this on my walks. I have been in a liminal state – somewhere between an old life which has disappeared and a new normal which is not yet realised. But I now know that I am in a place of acceptance. My lifetime has been spent growing into this state so it is perhaps not surprising that I questioned it.
I cannot fight “the boggies on the walls”- your innocent expression for the virus! It is futile to fight the Government’s at times slow action and conflicting messages. The uncertainty over when families can safely meet again and who will succumb to the virus and who will remain in work will not change with my wishing and worrying.
So Grandad T and I expend our energies on things which we can control. We were grateful to be allowed to now drive a short distance for our exercise and took in a change of scenery at Oughtonhead Nature Reserve.
It felt right to be near water again (not the sea yet…………. but that will come in time). It is a magical place. Although an Amsterdam chill was in the air we felt sheltered in the wood. Trees made for climbing, for balancing and for sitting on line the riverbank. Many have surrendered to that Eastern wind and fallen but they are where they are meant to be. As are we.
May was cascading down the hedgerows, merging in a daze with a mass of ethereal cow parsley. On the meadow there were cattle and wild spring flowers.
We saw a video of you sweetly picking buttercups this week – a flower for Grandad T, a flower for Grandad F and one for Nana.
Dearest boy, you are the kindest child. You saved a spare stick for me you had picked up on a walk. Look it is in a place of honour safe with other precious things.
And here is a picture of another special stick which sits in my porch. I’ll tell you the story of this Gratitude staff one day. Along with many, many other wonderful tales.
I looked as I have done on so many riverside walks over so very many years for the halcyon, ripple-calmer, rainbow bird but it was in vain. However hovering high over the common, “up there in the thin air……… the magical song still went tumbling on”.
Grandad T and I love and miss you very much,